A few years into my awakening journey, I was still unsure what I wanted out of life. I knew I wanted to be happier, lighter, and more connected to the things that matter to me. I realized I was utterly disconnected from my needs, so I got serious about finding my true self and creating a magical life.
My kids were smaller. I did everything for them and didn’t do much of anything for myself. I decided to join a gym that offered classes for children. This gave me an hour or two each morning to take a breath, do a yoga class, or read. I was away from the house, so I didn’t feel guilty for not cleaning, cooking or doing laundry (guilt has been a significant struggle for me.)
I was reading the book, Minimalism: Live a Meaningful Life at the time, and it got me thinking about what was important to me. The kids were my number one, but I felt I had lost myself entirely. I wanted to be an active part of my life again. Minimalism appealed to me because I was very aware of my finite time each day, and I wanted to use it on things that mattered to me instead of endless laundry.
I started going to a yoga class every day. Yoga allowed me to feel good in my body again and gave me a quiet, peaceful time to think, free of distraction. I started, ever so slightly, to get in touch with a deeper part of myself. I was also connecting to my body and mind and trying to find deeper parts of myself: my true self, and my Higher Self.
I started with brainstorming in my journal:
What makes me happy?
What might make me happy?
I have this life, in this body, in the here and now. What do I want to do with this gift?
What inspires me?
What do I enjoy?
What have I enjoyed in the past?
I would free-write anything that came to me. The answers that came were not always precisely correct, but I got closer to my truth over time. When I did this exercise, I did not judge anything that I wrote, I just let it flow.
One of the things that kept coming up for me was that I wanted to spend more time writing. I rarely allowed myself time to do it, and I feared that my writing would be terrible. I started researching and reading about the writing process. One of the books I read was The Artists Way by Julia Cameron. I read it because I was committed to learning to be a better writer. Unexpectedly, I also developed a profound belief in a higher power.
Not only do you have to find out what you love, but you also have to accept it. That is harder. Your mind wants to come in and tell you why it won’t work, why it’s embarrassing. When my mind comes in and does this now, I say to that part of myself, “I understand you are trying to protect me, but I refuse to act out of fear. Everything is okay. You are safe to trust the Universe and the Wise Voice inside.”
I’ve also learned to recognize and love all the different parts of myself, even those I would rather ignore. It’s best to make friends with them and gently stop them from controlling me. I try to be very conscious about the parts of myself that guide my actions. If I am doing something just because I think I have to, it’s usually not my highest self at work. I have learned to listen to the Wise Woman inside my heart and tame the voices of fear, shame, guilt, and doubt.
Live Your Magical Life 😊
Amy
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