Updated: May 19, 2021
Let’s go on a Magical adventure together. I define Magic as a state of connection, love, purpose, and power. When it’s lost, all is lost. I’ve been on an incredible journey to rediscover my Magic. I hope it inspires you to look for yours too.
My story centers around deep inner reflection, contemplation, and growth. It is very much a re-discovery of my inner spark; I’ve learned it’s already inside, waiting to be uncovered. As we wake up to our true selves, we can nurture the things that matter most to us. That’s where we can each make our most significant difference in the world, by being more ourselves.
Looking back, I’ve been on this journey for a long time. I’ve read Self-Help and New Age books since they were introduced to me by Oprah when I was a teen. Also, when I was thirteen, my Aunt told me about a book called The Celestine Prophecy. I read it with awe, wonder, and recognition, and my love affair with New Age Spirituality began. I was intrigued, and sometimes I believed in a deeper universe, but I never really did. Maybe, I thought, these New Age authors imagine things, or perhaps they have a connection that I don’t have. Most of the time, I thought of myself as an atheist who, paradoxically, reads a lot of spiritual books.
Several years ago, I was in a pretty bad place. There was no Magic in my life. I probably seemed to have it together to some people, but I was a mess under my façade. I was depressed, anxious, addicted to drugs and alcohol, and engaging in unhealthy relationships.
I had been reading Deepak Chopra quite a lot, too. Deepak said that we are not our minds or bodies; we are the observer of the thoughts of the mind and the feelings of the body. I started to become aware of the truth that I am not my body or my mind. One night I had a profoundly spiritual experience while meditating. At the time, it scared me. I wasn’t willing to believe that it was real, so I found a way to rationalize it. I thought I was losing my mind.
I continued to push down my feelings, be anxious and depressed for several years until I decided to take a deep look inside about five years ago. I was at the point where I didn’t want to spend one more day feeling lost, powerless, or afraid. As soon as I committed, the teachers, friends, and situations showed up to help me on my way.
Five years ago, my kids were smaller. I did everything for them and didn’t do much of anything for myself. I decided to join a gym that offered classes for toddlers. This gave me an hour or two each morning to take a breath, do a yoga class, or do some reading. I was away from the house, so I didn’t feel guilty for not cleaning, cooking or doing laundry (guilt has been a significant struggle for me.)
I knew I wanted to be happier, lighter, and more connected to the things that matter to me. I got serious about finding my Magic.
I was reading the book, Minimalism: Live a Meaningful Life at the time, and it got me thinking about what was important to me. The kids were my number one, but I felt that I had lost myself entirely. I wanted to be an active part of my life again. Minimalism appealed to me because I was very aware of my finite time each day, and I wanted to use it on things that mattered to me instead of endless laundry.
I started going to a yoga class every day. Yoga allowed me to feel good in my body again and gave me a quiet, peaceful time to think, free of distraction. I started, ever so slightly, to get in touch with a deeper part of myself. I was connecting to my body, my mind, and I was trying to find a deeper part of myself too.
I started with brainstorming. What makes me happy? What might make me happy if I tried? I would free-write anything that came to me. The answers that came were not always precisely correct, but I got closer to my truth over time.
One of the things that kept coming up for me was that I wanted to spend more time writing. I rarely allowed myself time to do it, and I also felt afraid that my writing would be terrible. I started researching and reading about the writing process. One of the books that I read was The Artists Way by Julia Cameron. I choose to read it because I was committed to learning to be a better writer. Unexpectedly, I also gained a deep, profound belief in a higher power.
I chose to remain open and see where it would take me, and it has taken me far. My new ability to push skepticism aside can be attributed to my commitment to suspend my doubts. I choose to believe. I figure that I will have beliefs either way, so I prefer ones that make me feel good. I have been experiencing synchronicities every day since I committed to believing.
I used to scoff at the use of crystals for spiritual practice. Now I am sitting here, awash in the pinkish glow that only a Himalayan salt lamp can produce. I have a tarot deck, an oracle deck, numerous candles, crystals, an inner-child collage and a vision board on my desk.
Last night I pulled an oracle card from my Crystal Spirits deck. It was Chrysocolla, which represents speaking my truth. It was a timely message since today I am writing my first blog post. Then, today, everything that I encountered was about finding and speaking one’s truth. The podcast I listened to, the book I flipped open, everything.
I have now come to expect that when we are ready and open, the Universe sends us the messages, teachers, and opportunities we need. I can clearly see how this has been going on for my whole life, but I only recently chose to notice and believe it. Just this morning, I realized that I have wanted to learn to play guitar my whole life, and I now live in a house with thirty guitars (they belong to my partner, and he has invited me to use them). It is as if the Universe has given me every opportunity to learn, but I haven’t taken it. You ask, and the Universe delivers. You still have to participate, though.
Once I figured out what I valued, I had to learn to develop the confidence to create and defend boundaries around those things. I had to examine my sense of self-worth and create new beliefs around what I deserve. I am still recognizing and correcting old beliefs all the time. I have had to learn to receive. The Universe can send you thirty guitars, but if you don’t have the self-worth to know that your interests deserve exploration, and the confidence to be a beginner, you will never pick one up.
I think everything in my physical world represents something in the spirit world. I don’t believe we manifest everything that happens to us because we are only co-creators, and sometimes the Universe has very different plans for our lives. We can, however, consciously decide what we focus on, what we move toward, and what we believe.
When I look back over the past five years, I can see that I have created this lifestyle. I focused on and brought into my life the exact things that I wanted and thought I deserved. My goals were to write more and have more time to explore my interests. I now write every day, I still spend quality time with my kids, I meditate, I live near the beach, and above all, I feel much happier and more peaceful (most of the time.) I have cultivated the habit of doing the things that are important to me daily. I am now adding guitar lessons twice a week!
Not only do you have to find out what you love, but you also have to accept it. That is harder. Your mind wants to come in and tell you why it won’t work, why it’s embarrassing. When my mind comes in and does this now, I say to that part of myself, “I understand you are trying to protect me, but I refuse to act out of fear. Everything is okay. You are safe to trust the Universe and the Wise Voice inside.”
I’ve also learned to recognize and love all of the different parts of myself, even the parts I would rather ignore. It’s best to make friends with them and gently stop them from controlling me. I try to be very conscious about the parts of myself that guide my actions. If I am doing something just because I think I have to, it’s usually not my highest self at work. I have learned to listen to the Wise Woman inside my heart and tame the voices of fear, shame, guilt, and doubt.
I am not claiming to be fully enlightened. I don’t think that even exists. Still, the journey of improving and feeling measurably better is exciting, and I am closer to who I really am at my core.
Some things I explore on this journey are:
How I learned what I truly want and why I want it.
How I recognize which part of myself is taking the lead.
How I listen to my inner Wise Woman’s voice.
How to identify my deep inner beliefs.
How I clarify and “program” new beliefs to replace the old ones.
How I get clear about my goals.
How I set boundaries with others and myself.
How I surrender to the flow of the Universe.
How I receive and know I deserve it.
How I accept and love Myself, just as I am.
If you’re interested in finding out about my journey in more detail, feel free to check out the rest of my posts.
Live Your Magical Life 😊